What the hell even is a “Laker”?
I understand that the group moved to Los Angeles from Minneapolis, a metropolis in Minnesota, a state that some name “the Land of 10,000 Lakes.” Even ignoring the outrageous psychological gymnastics wanted to come back to that conclusion, what even is a “Laker” although?
Is it somebody who goes to a lake? I’m going to Squam Lake in New Hampshire each summer season, however not one individual has ever referred to as me a Laker, neither is my prolonged household a set of Lakers. Is it the lake itself, some bizarre personification of the 11,842 lakes within the state that not even has the group? Was Wilt Chamberlain a lake? In that case, which lake was he?
Even excusing their foolish identify, the Los Angeles Lakers ought to on the very least be stripped of 5 of their titles, contemplating their 1949, 1950, 1952, 1953 and 1954 titles weren’t even gained in California. But each time the Celtics and the Lakers face off, the printed feels the necessity to insert some model of the identical, objectively fallacious assertion:
“The Celtics and Lakers each plan on hanging Banner 18 within the rafters this season, every trying to etch the following chapter of their storied franchise historical past…”
So far as I can inform, the Los Angeles Lakers have 12 championships, and the Boston Celtics have 17. However as the 2 squared off on Christmas Day, Mike Breen took the pledge and promoted this baseless Lakers propaganda on the ESPN broadcast.
All of that pomp and circumstance was as an example a reasonably easy level: I hate the Lakers. Not in a nasty means, like one hates spiders or espresso that’s too scorching, however in a sports activities means. I would like nothing really dangerous to occur to any Laker or Laker-adjacent get together, however I would really like them to fail at each NBA-based endeavor they try.
Photograph by Barry Chin/The Boston Globe by way of Getty Pictures
Hating the Lakers is among the {qualifications} for being a Celtics fan. I keep in mind the 2008 and 2010 NBA Finals, however I wasn’t allowed to watch for the tip of the video games provided that I used to be 5 and 7 years outdated respectively. However I’ve been surrounded by tales of the Lakers disrupting the Celtics’ grand plans steadily between 1969 and 2010, and my uncle from Boston and grandfather from Los Angeles have made it clear that the Lakers and Celtics are mutually unique.
I believe loads about why sure common season video games matter to me greater than others. Take the Celtics’ first lack of the season to the Minnesota Timberwolves. I distinctly keep in mind saying, “wow, Anthony Edwards is superb. He simply outplayed all our guys. Respect.” I wasn’t too upset. Maybe I anticipated the Celtics to lose ultimately, provided that they hadn’t but.
However I truthfully assume it was as a result of the Timberwolves simply don’t carry a lot emotional weight round with them. I don’t know any Timberwolves followers, nor have they ever beat the Celtics in a sport that actually mattered to me. The mainstream media doesn’t speak about them very a lot, so their success gained’t ever develop to the purpose the place it truly annoys me.
However let’s additionally take December nineteenth’s loss to the Golden State Warriors, through which I slammed my laptop display shut and despondently face planted into my mattress as quickly as I noticed Stephen Curry hit the “night time night time” celebration.
The Lakers are within the Warriors class, carrying round an emotional machete with which they make each sport a death-defying affair. I would like video games like that so badly, and I went into the Christmas conflict loaded with a mixture of want for fulfillment and nervousness for failure.
It began off like a non secular revival assembly, with the Celtics’ 12-0 lead forcing a timeout and coasting them by way of the primary quarter. I had visions of a 50-point blowout, the NBA equal of being your birthday in second grade. You get to put on a particular hat the entire day and produce cupcakes for the entire class. Everybody talks about you for six hours such as you’re a star, after which all of us go house and do our occasions tables.
Such a factor was too good to be true, contemplating the Celtics bench was largely unable to deal with Anthony Davis’ overwhelming power. I started bargaining with myself about how this wasn’t the worst factor on the planet, as the sport could be extra thrilling, proper? Beating the Minne—I imply Los Angeles Lakers in an in depth sport on Christmas with the world watching might be cooler than simply blowing them out, proper? Proper, guys?
The takeaway from the primary half—at the least should you ask the ESPN halftime present—was how “analytics” had taken over the Celtics’ identification. Each Stephen A. Smith and Kendrick Perkins decried the Celtics’ reliance on successful the three-point variance battle, and I bought a number of texts from mates asking why Tatum couldn’t simply drive to the ring extra.
I’m not going to enter that, as I believe the Celtics’ final victory regardless of capturing simply over 30 p.c from deep speaks for itself. The win with out flamethrowing three-point numbers simply provides one other kind of flower to the media bouquet the Celtics bought for successful, so I see this as an absolute win.
In precisely 86.67 p.c of video games, I’m motivated primarily by my want for the Celtics to win. However I’m wondering if Lakers video games—together with ones in opposition to the Warmth, 76ers, and Warriors—are more and more motivated by a want for my enemies to lose. The media bouquet for the Celtics is sweet, however the entire NBA world having the correct to make enjoyable of the Lakers for 2 days would possibly even be higher.
On some meta degree, I watched Monday’s sport with the understanding that if the Celtics gained, I’d get to write down this text about why wins like these are so particular and crack jokes about how the Lakers solely have 12 championships and are named after one thing that doesn’t even exist. I additionally watched it understanding that I might gloat to my grandfather if the Celtics gained, however would conversely need to admit to the outstanding, ageless greatness of LeBron James in the event that they misplaced.
Nevertheless the Celtics or Lakers exist in your life, it’s good to cease and odor the emotional roses that make Christmas rivalry wins so particular. And don’t let anybody let you know that you simply shouldn’t get too labored up about common season video games, as I’m not truly certain what annoys me extra: somebody screaming apocalypse after a loss to the Warriors, or the man telling them to calm the heck down.
Enable your self that emotional misery and elation, since sports activities is the place for that to mercifully exist. Right here, I can freely say I hate the idea of a “Laker,” when anyplace else hate causes an excellent many issues. So let’s all hate the Lakers collectively and marvel in our collective success, earlier than one other Magic, Kareem, Shaq, or Kobe comes out of the woodwork.
