Look, I don’t assist scoreboard watching. However we’re all going to do it anyway, so let’s have the speak now and be secure about it.
I’m an enormous believer in superstitions, which suggests I really feel like I’ve participated in each Celtics recreation I watch. Like most supernatural beliefs, that’s clearly lunacy, however the wheels actually fall off after we get to the ultimate week of the common season, and I start making an attempt to control seeding to offer the Celtics the simplest path by way of the Japanese Convention.
That is often known as scoreboard watching. It’s an excellent train in driving your self nuts, contemplating one can not management nor even normally perceive the precise tiebreaker conditions, merely left to craft their excellent set of outcomes after which cross all fingers and toes. It not often works and virtually by no means issues, however when left with nothing else to root for down the stretch, it’s completely regular.
Generally, scoreboard watching goes precisely the way you need it to. In 2022, the Celtics maintained the quantity two seed, unafraid of the Kyrie Irving/Kevin Durant-laden Brooklyn Nets they might find yourself sweeping. At the least in my circles, we had been thrilled that the Bucks made no effort to snag the second seed, affording us dwelling court docket benefit in a possible second spherical collection. After which that dwelling court docket benefit grew to become the Grant Williams recreation, and all was nicely and dandy.
Different instances—and possibly extra typically—scoreboard watching goes horribly unsuitable. Final 12 months, parked within the two seed and awaiting the outcomes of the Play-In Event, these similar circles of Celtics followers and I rejoiced because the Hawks defeated the the Warmth within the 7 vs 8 matchup, loosing the Celtics on a a lot tamer Atlanta workforce and sicking Miami on the Bucks, which all wound up working.
However that rejoicing may solely maintain a lot weight, because the Miami workforce whose downfall I delighted in got here again and handed the Celtics their most embarrassing collection lack of my lifetime. It was all enjoyable and video games till it wasn’t, and that’s why I’ve devoted my time and vitality to creating positive Celtics followers scoreboard watch safely and with the right precautions.
Correct kind consists of making theoretical Japanese Convention playoff footage based mostly on rational pondering and planning, after which rating them based mostly on which one would launch essentially the most dopamine in your mind. And simply to make certain, I took the freedom of working a preliminary set of outcomes only for the sake of issues. You recognize… simply to display.
Greatest Consequence (potential as of April 10):
Celtics
Knicks
Bucks
Magic
Pacers
Cavaliers
76ers
Bulls
It is a superb set-up. Not solely does it see the Celtics enjoying the Chicago Bulls—a workforce that can’t, shouldn’t, and (knocks on wooden) won’t beat Boston in a playoff collection—it has each single tidbit neatly lined up for a consolation cruise to the NBA Finals. I’m going to remorse writing all of that.
In any case, along with placing the ever-intimidating Warmth out to pasture within the Play-In recreation, this orientation makes the Celtics’ theoretical path by way of the East appear to be the largest joke of all time:
1st Spherical: Bulls
2nd Spherical: Pacers/Magic
Convention Finals: Whoever emerges from the harmful quagmire of Bucks/Knicks/76ers/Cavaliers
The Pacers are a shell of the workforce that beat the Celtics within the In-Season Event, and are so incapable of enjoying protection that their playoff likelihood is… slim. The Magic can’t rating within the fourth quarter to avoid wasting their lives, sitting at twenty fourth in Clutch offensive ranking.
The Bulls are simply comfortable to be right here, and each the potential second spherical groups are enjoyable tales with none logical likelihood of threatening the Celtics. After all, there’s all the time the possibility that one thing wholly illogical occurs. Caleb Martin is behind me, isn’t he?
Typically, you’re by no means going to have the ability to dodge each scary workforce, however you can also make hope all of them beat the hell out of one another earlier than ever making it to you. As soon as we’ve filed the Warmth away of their correct cupboard and realized the Cavaliers have already got one foot in Barbados, precedence quantity two is about seeing how drained and screwed up the 76ers, Bucks, and Knicks can get earlier than reaching the Convention Finals.
The Knicks shouldn’t be a problem to tire out. Head Coach Tom Thibodeau will virtually actually play no matter six guys he decides can perform within the playoffs a mean of 46.5 minutes per recreation, and hopefully these guys will drag whichever of the 76ers and Bucks make it out of their first spherical collection down with them.
After all, that line of reasoning did nothing to avoid wasting the Celtics from the Warmth final 12 months, who simply completed a collection towards the Knicks and proceeded to shoot the lights out greater than a madman with a machine gun hell-bent on destroying each lightbulb in existence. However simply because one thing illogical occurred doesn’t imply we now have to surrender on the rule of logic. In any other case, the world is simply an uncontrollable cesspool of horror and destruction. (stares immediately at digital camera)
Out of respect to the historical past of the NBA, I gained’t be entertaining the opportunity of Joel Embiid and the 76ers making it out of the second spherical. However relying on the severity of Giannis Antetokounmpo’s calf pressure, the Milwaukee Bucks would possibly, so how unhealthy would that be?
Most likely as unhealthy because it may get, because the Bucks are the lone Japanese Convention workforce that might even have the very best participant within the collection towards Boston. To not point out the prospect of messing round in a playoff shoot-out with Damian Lillard is about as engaging as dipping Twizzlers in guacamole. May do it for some folks, however that’s not for me.
On the flip aspect, the Bucks had been capital-T-terrible for 3 straight video games earlier than beating the Celtics, shedding to the holy trinity of we’re-literally-trying-to-lose-I-don’t-know-if-you-got-the-memo in Memphis, Toronto, and Washington.
The Celtics and Bucks have cleanly break up the season collection, however all however one recreation had some kind of asterisk on it. Actually, I don’t know how a collection towards the Bucks will go. For the needs of full transparency, I’m simply going to maneuver on.
Now we come to the self-destructive a part of the train: making an attempt to make the standings as unhealthy as humanly potential. I wish to preface this by saying that this end result is unfathomably, hilariously, probably even sarcastically unlikely to occur. However right here’s what the apocalypse appears like.
Worst Consequence (potential as of April 10):
Celtics
Magic
Knicks
Bucks
76ers
Cavaliers
Pacers
Warmth
That is an unmitigated catastrophe. Not solely are the Celtics staring down essentially the most rested Jimmy Butler of all-time in spherical one—who will go on TNT a minimum of 3 times earlier than the collection begins and assure a win—the Bucks and 76ers are sitting there as a tasty deal with in spherical two ought to everybody even make it out of the primary spherical alive.
Let me be 100% clear. The Warmth can not beat the Celtics, however that doesn’t imply it’s not going to occur. The Celtics have been so significantly better for 5 straight months it appears virtually unserious to even take into account this a danger. However the Warmth don’t function throughout the realm of noticed actuality: they function within the Twilight Zone, the place the Celtics 65-win season can go to die. (Stares immediately on the digital camera, this time with a tear slowly sliding down his left cheek)
I’m not significantly terrified of the Bucks or 76ers both, however I do know they’re able to beating the Celtics in a playoff collection. The Celtics have by no means misplaced to Philadelphia within the playoffs within the Tatum-Brown period, however they’ve gotten terrifyingly shut a few instances. I’ve already stated my bit on Milwaukee, and the second spherical simply makes all the things riskier and extra complicated.
You’d suppose the lone silver lining right here is how this orientation front-loads the challenges of the playoffs and turns the Convention Finals into a straightforward break, proper? Flawed. That is precisely what occurred final 12 months, the place you suppose all is nicely as that you simply’ve been dealt pocket aces within the ECF after which WHAM all of your goals have been crushed. (Stares dir—I’m simply kidding… I hope.
This setup additionally exposes the oddity of the NBA not reseeding its playoffs. The truth that the Celtics must play the 4 or 5 seed no matter if Orlando or Indiana wins the two vs 7 matchup is a bit foolish, and makes you surprise if the upper seed ought to be capable of choose their second spherical opponent in some kind of draft format.
One ultimate level earlier than all of us go shudder within the nightmares of possibility two or blissfully benefit from the pretty possibility one: how would this all truly occur? Effectively, I can promise you that is all potential as of April 10, however past that I’m not truly positive.
If somebody has invented a “put in your most well-liked playoff standings and this web site will present you the precise path to that” web site but, please let me know within the feedback. In any other case, take a look at this playoff machine if you wish to painstakingly craft your personal outcomes of the previous couple of video games.
If not, be a part of me in crossing your fingers, toes, and possibly tongue for good measure. You possibly can by no means be too cautious this time of 12 months.
