The San Antonio Spurs have now formally chosen French basketball participant and potential superhuman Victor Wembanyama within the 2023 NBA Draft. They virtually chosen him upon successful the NBA Draft Lottery just a few weeks in the past. And the Spurs started manifesting the dream of drafting Wembanyama when buying and selling Derrick White to Boston, after which doubled-down on that manifestation by buying and selling Dejounte Murray to Atlanta, after which tripled-down on that manifestation by buying and selling Jakob Poeltl again to the Raptors.
However you don’t want the historical past lesson, all that issues is Wembanyama is a Spur. And if he’s going to be the franchise cornerstone all of us hope he’ll be, he needsa cool nickname.
Sure, he comes pre-programmed with “Wemby,” however y’all, I do know we are able to do higher. I now current to you… The official Fiesta Shorts information to giving Victor Wembanyama a greater nickname.
Wemby?
Let’s simply get this one out of the way in which. Wemby is boring, lazy, and uninspired. I’m not attempting to say “The Large Elementary” was probably the most inventive title of all time, however at the very least somebody tried. Merely deleting 2⁄3 of Victor’s final title and including a “y” on the finish appears like a whole lack of effort. Simply admit you’ll be able to’t be bothered to learn to say his final title, which isn’t arduous to do.
Counterpoint: Apparently Wembanyama likes this nickname in order that’s unlucky.
The French Rejection
As a result of he blocks photographs, you see. It’s one of many many issues he’s excellent at, and this nickname additionally harkens to an outdated timey noir movie I’ve by no means seen and possibly by no means will. However that doesn’t matter. It additionally simply sounds cool. I can hear Invoice Land shouting “THE FRENCH REJECTION” in my goals and I’ve by no means slept higher than I do proper now.
One small, tiny bummer about that is that Basketball Reference lists this as a nickname of Rudy Gobert, however I’ve by no means heard anybody name him this so I’m going ignore that. Additionally they say that Gobert is named the Stifle Tower and… Gobzilla? This could’t be proper. Whereas we’re at it, you shouldn’t get to say multiple nickname at a time. Gobert is breaking all types of unwritten guidelines right here.
I suggest that if The French Rejection actually is a nickname Gobert goes by, we play a sport for it. If, at any level in his profession, Wembanyama out-blocks Gobert over a season OR in a head-to-head sport will get to take The French Rejection for himself.
AND if Wembanyama ever blocks a Gobert shot throughout a sport, Wembanyama instantly takes possession of the title. Truthful? Truthful.
Large Vic
I haaaaaate this one. That is additionally lazy as hell. And once more, simply because you’ll be able to’t hassle to pronounce the dude’s title doesn’t imply you get to resort to one thing this simple.
The factor that actually proactively scares me about anybody utilizing this nickname is the inevitability of individuals calling him “Large Dick Vic” the primary time he wins a sport with a clutch transfer.
That’s simply bizarre, we gotta transfer on from this one. Put an enormous ol’ “NO” stamp on the Large Vic doc please and thanks.
WembanJAMA
The factor I like about this title is that jamming is cool. Area Jam was cool. NBA Jam is cool. Jam on toast? Signal me up! Uh… Bob Marley did some jamming and folks appear to like that. I as soon as watched a Phish live performance through livestream and whereas they had been technically jamming (ferociously jamming at instances, I might say) I used to be unable to definitively decide whether or not or not it was cool.
Let’s not get too hung up on that final one. Typically, jamming is cool. Cool? Cool.
Talking of issues I can hear Invoice Land shouting in my goals… “WembanJAMA with the put again… ohhhh mama” is up there.
Does Wembanyama jam? He can jam. We would have to attend till he has a sick dunk reel to make use of this title, however I would like it on the market as an choice so we don’t overlook about it if he begins going nuts on the AT&T Middle rims.
Victor the Restrictor
Okay. No that is silly. My unhealthy, y’all.
Frankenstein
OKAY HEAR ME OUT as a result of I reside in Germany and possibly it makes extra sense in Deutsch, however in Germany, as an alternative of France we are saying “Frankreich” and we’ve established that Wembanyama is sort of a monster (within the coolest manner), so that you see?
Frank = he’s French, “-enstein” due to Frankenstein’s monster?
It really works, simply belief me on this one.
Personally, I’m caught on The French Rejection however Frankenstein is rising on me. Like, between the time I wrote this and the time it was able to publish Frankenstein in all probability turned my favourite. Bought a greater nickname? Share it with us on Twitter @projectspurs and shout it from the rafters all season lengthy.
